What you fail to realize is that there is in fact Parental Alienation occurring within these families. The abuser projects their toxic behavior onto the safe parent which is among other toxic behaviors, Parental Alienation. Parental Alienation is NOT junk science, it’s real. This is a matter of the mentally ill and abusive parent indoctrinating the child to hate the other parent while projecting their alienating behavior onto the safe parent.
I understand. Narrastic family dynamics have been going on for years. The narrastic family tree has been explained by many different psychologist. This type of abuse is absolutely real. I don't think anyone desputes this. It's not a situation that accures during divorce. It's been going on in these failed marriages for years. Only the victim is unaware of what is happening until it's too late. Usually the reason they filed for divorce. The problem is that the parental alienation theory attempts to say it happens because of the divorce. Narrsaisic or borderline personality traits or disorders are appearing before the divorce process. Not because of it. This is the problem. Grooming children and abusing us not done in the front yard of the house. No one hangs a sign up in the front yard saying that there is abuse going on.
Very well written piece as always. You are still fighting for your son and others even after he's gone. I wish you didn't have to be in this situation. Keep up the good fight, Mama Bear.
These judges do not need any more training. They know exactly what they’re doing. This is all by design and not a broken system, as it is working exactly how theywant it to. The judges are well informed in domestic violence and child abuse. Again, they don’t want to deal with PA and just sweep the mess under the rug. All this destruction revolves around Title IV-B, D and E funding. These incentives have been weaponized to destroy our children. This is all about the money. Abusive males with bruised egos use PA as a crutch to gain custody for financial and emotional profit. When custody is attained, they will alienate the child from the good, “fit” parent. Bob Hoffman coined PA back in 1967 in his book, “Negative Love Syndrome,” and his book should’ve been taken more seriously. This is more than a generational curse as the alienators create more personality disorders that will continue and perpetuate the family court system until it is abolished. Family court must be abolished. In my opinion, family matters taken into civil court, where a jury can be present would be so much more helpful and hopefully more fair….
No, that is what enhances the problem. It’s ongoing with some Personality Disorders. 50/50 can work with two parents that are not in conflict and are not personality disorders…
Those are not the people advocating for 50/50. It's the people involved in high conflict litigation where one person or both have personalities that are characteristics or disorders. The people who have been left in charge are the so called “ alienation experts”. They have tainted the entire judicial system. Deciding who has a personality disorder. Stating someone has a personality disorder on the internet of public ledger doesn't make it a fact. Not agreeing to 50/50 split doesn't make you a gold digger or a malicious alienator.
This is why safe spaces are needed for victims of domestic abusers and child abusers. Unfortunately people using parental alienation are hiring people to infiltrate these spaces. Are hiring women influencers to encourage parental alienation as a real science. They are victims of it even when it's been used against them.
Well, I have never heard of anyone being hired to encourage parental alienation as real science. I myself was a victim, and it was used against me in court, and my ex was successful in alienating my children from me.
I’m so sorry for what happened to your son, your story is truly heartbreaking, and I respect your dedication to raising awareness about judicial failures. I agree that the concept of parental alienation can be misused and weaponized, especially in cases where abuse is present. But I’ve also witnessed real, devastating alienation, where a loving parent was erased from their child’s life through lies and manipulation.
It’s important we hold space for both truths: yes, alienation can be used as a tactic, but it’s also a very REAL form of psychological abuse in many families. And too often, those of us living that reality feel completely dismissed.
This is why I believe it so important to get rid of the " chosen" court professionals. There is clearly very manipulative people in the family court house. I have not seen my stepchildren in years. Unfortunately I don't think I ever will. My child hasn't seen her siblings. The relationship are held hostage. They are not free to have a relationship that doesn't have their father at the center. They are not free to have relationship despite they are now adults. This was the same dynamic that was in their fathers family revolving around their mother. I watched it for years and never thought it would happen in my own family.
Heidi, I really hear your pain, and I’m so sorry for everything your family has endured. I agree that the system too often feels stacked against the people it’s meant to serve. That said, I don’t think getting rid of professionals entirely is the answer. In both my husband’s case and mine, we’ve had court-ordered professionals, some good, some deeply problematic.
In my husband’s case, the CLR enabled the alienation by acting on clear bias. She help enable the alienation against court ordered parenting time and reinforced one-sided narratives because she only had part of the picture. That caused real harm and escalated the conflict.
We also had a PREl who saw what was happening, she acknowledged alienating behaviors, but didn’t treat them with the seriousness they deserved. I can’t help but believe that with better training and oversight, the outcome could have been different.
In my own case, we had a CFI who was truly competent and saw the full dynamic clearly. Her recommendations were serious and thoughtful, but the court had discretion, and didn’t fully implement them.
The problem isn’t just with individuals, it’s with the system’s inconsistency, lack of education, and lack of accountability. Reform is essential. The right professionals can make a huge difference, but only when they are educated, neutral, and their findings are respected by the court.
I would agree for the most part that we need professionals. However, here is the problem. I live in the state of Connecticut. Often regarded as the head of the snake. Connecticut is the first to run the welfare reform act and fatherhood legislation. All the safety rails and language has been completely erased from what is guiding the court system. We have gone through the contracts and initiative statigic planning. They are ignoring abuse for fatherhood engagement. Connecticut is the leader in criminal justice reform. Plea bargaining and nullying domestic violence charges. The only ones who are being protected are fathers who are victims. if you don't agree with allowing "access" to the father custody is removed. If the child resist contact for what a normal person would consider vaid the mother is arrested for not forcing the child. All of the cases I am aware of are discussed by the so called " Alienation" expert in the. These are legitimate cases of abuse. These fathers are run through batters programs and often violate restraining order. Nothing is done." Prioritizing fatherhood over criminal matters". Unfortunately statistics are used in Connecticut for grant funding. These parents are slipping under the radar. I know for a fact that these court professionals are running these programs in family court cases. Because the entire judicial branch is partnered with the fatherhood initiative. Which is a 503c non profit organization. CGS government solutions is " aggressively" running these programs. All of the hhs programs are partnered. None of the focus on the children. The so called court experts are not going to continuing education in all areas of psychology. They are hyperfoused in alienation. A majority of these parental alienation industry is unregulated and uninvestigated. They are part of equal and shared parenting. They are twisting and contorteing abuse cases. Anyone bringing up problems at the court house is seen as a barrier. The problem parent. Not the parents who engaged in poor parenting. Demonstrating controlling behavior. If you refuse to give up your parenting time to an abuser, you are alienating. If you don't agree with their demands and attempt to set boundaries. You are not cooperating. Even a 17 year old fighting with the other parent is blamed on the other parent. There is an industry referral network going on. There is a lot of who you know. The garduim ad lithium was engaged in the " reunification" sessions. She is a lawyer. Interfering with anyone information gathered. Did not provide a safe place for the child to disclose any information. All the sessions were based on what the father wanted. Not the needs of the child. This a seasoned garduim ad lithium. She has poor reviews all from women. Discussing her bias behavior. Bar association complaints and gal complaints. They still push her on cases. No repremand, no mandatory education. Her cases are train wrecks and usually results in one person usually the mother loosing custody.
She just ran a case where a dv victim. Who's alleged peritrators case keep getting pushed in criminal court. The custody was flipped to the alleged peritrator and she was arrested for custodial interference. Which is being pushed by equal and shared parenting. The Alienation "expert" knows her and refered her to one of the mothers IV meet. A relocated domestic violence victim who lost custody of her children. " A Wolf on sheep clothing" AFCC
PA allegations are readily accepted in family court only when they can be weaponized against protective mothers. Not the other way round. When moms are alienated PA ceases to exist. Please examine family court cases involving PA allegations and you'll see the pattern.
I have to respectfully but strongly disagree. What you’re describing completely ignores real experiences like mine, and my husband’s. He spent years trying to maintain a relationship with his daughter while her other parent actively undermined him, violated court orders, and told their child harmful things to damage their bond. It was classic alienation, coercive, persistent, and deeply damaging. A court-appointed professional even acknowledged some of these behaviors, though they didn’t take them as seriously as they should have.
In my case, I’ve faced similar tactics from my ex-husband. While he hasn’t been as “successful” in cutting off our relationship, the intent and impact of his alienating behaviors are clear. Parental alienation is real. It doesn’t only happen to one gender. It doesn’t disappear when it doesn’t fit a narrative.
The reason many of these cases involve accusations against mothers is not because the term is a weapon, it’s because, statistically, mothers are more often identified as the alienating parent. That’s not an attack on mothers; it’s a pattern supported by research, including international studies of adults alienated in childhood. Ignoring that data because it makes us uncomfortable doesn’t help children or families.
And if we’re being consistent, consider this: most sexual abuse is perpetrated by men. Yet we don’t dismiss the validity of sexual abuse or advocate to erase the terminology simply because it implicates one gender more often than another. Abuse is abuse. The identity of the perpetrator doesn’t negate the harm or make the term any less necessary.
Dismissing these realities, or framing alienation as a myth that only harms mothers, is not just inaccurate, it’s dangerous. If we care about children, we must acknowledge all forms of abuse and address them—regardless of who commits them.
Sexual abuse is MEDICALLY verifiable, unlike "Parental Alienation" (PA), which has no established diagnostic criteria supported by reputable, peer-reviewed research—hence its exclusion from the DSM.
That said, the 'concept' of alienation is not new—what's new is its weaponization in family court esp. against protective mothers. And to be clear, I'm not saying that 'real' cases of alienation against fathers are nonexistent. They do happen—but they are far fewer than the countless cases where protective mothers not only suffer alienation but are also paradoxically accused of it. A major determining factor in many of these cases is the financial status of the parent alleging PA. If the family court system sniffs financial gain from siding with the accuser, it then supports the wealthier accuser / abuser — regardless of gender. However, in most cases, PA is weaponized as the "silver bullet" against protective mothers, much like Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy (MSBP), both of which are deployed to switch custody from the protective mother to the abusive father.
When I said study family court cases, I wasn’t referring only to yours or your husband’s. There is now undeniable mounting evidence of a clear, systemic bias against mothers in family court—so much so that even the ICC has taken notice.
If you're genuinely interested in facts, you'll benefit from the links below. The truth isn’t always comfortable — but it’s necessary. Hope this helps broaden your perspective as you continue your research and explore the full picture.
Dr. Belogolovsky, the judges in Family Court are not ignorant. That is a MYTH perpetuated to deflect attention from them. They are fully aware and complicit.
Also, Gardner was a pedophile himself who ultimately stabbed himself to death, as confirmed by his autopsy report — a grim testament to just how “mentally stable” he was. [The autopsy report is available on the internet. I have saved a copy in the event that there is a concerted effort by those who profit from it to suppress this important fact]. If, let's say, we were to propose adopting the writings of cult leader and mass murderer, Jim Jones, as the official manual for CEOs to manage their employees, it would be rejected and condemned and rightfully so. Yet somehow, the perverse and twisted theories born from the mind of a known pedophile and psychopath have been embraced as the gold standard for evaluating child abuse allegations and determining child custody in Family Court — and we’re expected to accept that as normal.
The sad Truth is that Parental Alienation is a theory that is only weaponized against protective mothers NOT abusive fathers. It has only one purpose and that is to serve the abusive father. So if a mother says father is alienating the child she will not be believed and will be discredited if anything and even if she has proof it will be dismissed. If the reverse happens and the abusive father accuses a protective mother of alienating then he is automatically believed WITHOUT any evidence and every attempt is made to separate mother from her child. So PA is not a scientific diagnosis but it is a great DARVO tool used by abusive fathers and their attorneys to shift custody from mother to child. Those in disbelief should go and analyze all the court cases of PA and see if you can detect this obvious pattern. It's practically impossible to miss it.
Parental Alienation is not a medical diagnosis. It's a criminal defense. It's been years now and it's not excepted psychological term. When will the industry be addressed? Investigated and shut down for good? It's a deversiinary tactic, tossing a firecracker in the corner of the court room. The judges loose focus on the real issues in front of them. There is a large referral network coming out of the state of Connecticut. Coaching services and recommendations for the well connected industry professionals playing the game.
Here is how custody capture is played. A divorce is filed. Usually a series of events and disclosures is made. The court is presented with accusations. No evidencary hearings is requested. The accused attorney stands in front of the judge and proclaims parental alienation and a GaL must be appointed. The fact finder eyed and ears of the court . They neglect to call the people on the list of witnesses and mental health professional. If they do call the mental health professional that has been treating the child for what ever issues doesn't align with the parental alienation theory. They are discredited. They are not the elite group that the court uses. A court appointed psychologist is placed on the case. The child at any age discloses a reason for contact resistance. The other parent is to blame. The parents are locked out of the court room. Or the attorney tells the " favored parent" or " protective parent". You must cooperate with the counseling or loose custody. The judge asks for updates. The parental issues are not addressed and the relationship deteriorating. It's not the poor service provided by the therapist. The children are told that there feelings don't matter. The issue are not that bad and they must have a relationship with the biological parent. Either the children complies or the flavored patent will be taken away. If they continue to resist the garduim ad lithium insist the custody has to be flipped. Even have the favored or protective parent arrested for custodial interference. Cause someone other than the parent with parenting problems is to blame. This accures in case with domestic batters, parents in the middle of addiction or simply don't want to pay child support. The alienated is demanding a surtine garduim ad lithium. The garduim ad lithium insist on a spasific therapist. If any evidence makes it way to court. Custody for women especially is never reversed back. There is much federal funding based on providing access to non costodial fathers. Which the states receive funding. Domestic violence victims are solidicted into projects for 50/50 custody as a means of getting their children back. With the intention of getting child support obligations removed. " You are going to have to co-parent with the abuser". Cause their half of the other parent. A group of stepmothers are enlisted in the project taught to engage in custody battles to children they have no constitutional rights to. Under the " family" langistics. Unless you deliver the child for access you can be arrested. Children are used as leverage to drop criminal charges. Bringing violent crime statistics down. It's all a very calculated business model. Using government funding and legislation to weaponize the court system. That started with the welfare reform act, healthy marriage and responsible fatherhood. Unfortunately it's more profitable to protect a predator than children. $113; billions dollars in child support arrange in the US . This what the people claiming parental Alienation are complaining the most about. 22 percent of household are single parent. For various reasons. Divorce is not the responsibility for fatherless households. Yet the Alienation industry experts using this is abuse doesn't exist. If you want to stop the family court system problems. You gotta get rid of the Alienation industry. The federal funding fueling it.
The family court 'games' don't stop there unfortunately but first I want to correct a common misconception people have. The judges in Family Court are NOT innocent or ignorant as many would like to believe. They are COMPLICIT. The sooner parents and the general public SHED this dangerous illusion the better for our children. Or we will live to see them being destroyed by these very judges we apologize and find excuses for.
The family court system is not broken. It's purposely RIGGED. The proof is the unwritten PLAYBOOK they all follow - a carefully calculated process with a recognizable pattern and sequence of actions, replicated across jurisdictions and through court records, policy loopholes, and funding structures and designed to exploit families rather than protect them.
Here are the steps in that PLAYBOOK.
- Family Courts systematically escalate conflict in custody disputes and then label them as 'high conflict' because there is more money to be made by prolonging the case.
- Once they are able to designate a case as "high conflict," (code word for 'child trafficking goldmine' and 'cash cow') it opens up the doorway to get 'professionals' in
- These 'professionals' (custody evaluators, parenting coordinators, GALs, therapists etc) then use their 'expertise' to create more false labels for the court in order to provide the court with a pretext to snatch the children away from the good protective parent under the guise of "best interest of the child. - False and unsubstantiated allegations such as Parental Alienation (PA) or Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy (MSBP), known as the 'silver bullets', are then used to achieve a very specific goal: Custody SWITCH to the abuser. This is extremely important and is done in order to marginalize the protective or primary caregiving parent, referred to as "the gatekeeper" in family court because of their refusal to let predators get close to their children - This is a CRITICAL step without which the rest of their plan will not go through.
- Once the good protective parent has been successfully marginalized, the game is a lot easier to play and one of 2 things can now take place:
* If both parents are poor the children are funneled straight into Foster homes from where they are then easily trafficked (more on that further down this comment)
* If the abuser has money then the children are handed to him in a swift custody switch and if the protective parent resists this move then the protective parent is treated with jail while the children are subjected to additional torture through legalized kidnapping and lucrative reunification programs which can last until either they age out or the protective parent dies from the trauma or grief induced chronic illnesses.
* If, on the other hand, the abusive parent is not that well off and cannot bankroll the family court mafia for too long then he is still retained by the family court as a 'useful idiot' and treated as a temporary hurdle to be bypassed with a well-timed order at a later more 'convenient' stage when he too is declared 'unfit' by the family court and the children can finally be funnelled into the Foster Care System.
- The Foster Care System is key to the Child Trafficking Network (CTN) and serves as the holding place ('reservoir') that feeds the pipeline and facilitates child trafficking under legal cover.
- The children are 'retained' in the foster care system until they can find the best bidders for them so they can be trafficked 'legally' through the foster care system and handed over to their future abusers.
And nope! This is NOT adoption - that's what we are told it is and that's what they want us to think it is. It's legalized child trafficking.
I have no problem with people getting a rude awakening or finding out the hard way. It doesn't cost me a dime. However, I am only one of the many now sounding the alarm ....
““ ..there is a lucrative business behind helping abusers: amounting to fifty billion dollars a year in the U.S. alone.” ~ Dr. Bandy Lee
I agree with you. The judicial branch partnership and state funding is also a significant problem. Access was mentioned multiple times by the garduim ad lithium. I don't think it was an accident I was locked out of the court house. As well as the family relations hearing. The entire system is a well played out organization machine. These are only mistakes of they are caught. I know I was in trouble when the judge on my case was the same judge who refused to give Mawahinney's( arrested for conspiracy in the Dolus case) x wife a restraining order in their divorce case. It was no accident that the garduim ad lithium was hanging around the court house on the day agreements were made. It was no accident that this judge was placed on my case. Why he didn't want us in the court room to go on record. The government funding for social projects and social experiments are a driving force in the family court bus. This is part of why the main stream media coverage is missing. Politicians are not publicly talking about it.
Sorry, but children’s voices are neither listened to nor heard. In the eyes of family court judges, children's voices simply do not exist—and their well-being does not matter. I want to see, in writing, the LAW that gives these judges the authority to strip children and good, loving, responsible parents of their Constitutional rights.
Do CHILDREN even have ANY rights under the U.S. Constitution? It's time to confront this head-on and start asking the hard questions. If they do then why are these despicable lowlifes in family court acting like they don't.
Where exactly does it say that by stepping into Family Court, we’re automatically agreeing to SUSPEND our Constitutional rights (aka 'informed consent')? It must be written somewhere, for these judges to behave as though the U.S. Constitution stops at the courthouse door—treating good parents and innocent children worse than criminals.
Even criminal defendants have the right to due process and are considered innocent until proven guilty. In Family Court, it’s the opposite: you’re treated as guilty until proven innocent, and it’s on you to prove your innocence—often against absurd, unproven accusations like PAS, MSBP, or other pseudoscientific garbage.
Never in my life have I seen such a MOCKERY of justice and such flagrant DESECRATION of the US Constitution.
I agree. Not just seeing their pain knowing there’s nothing you can do. And knowing everything you do makes it even harder for them. What a position to be put in.
Family court debates around this issue often collapse complex trauma dynamics into simple labels that don’t match how children actually respond to fear, loyalty, and pressure. When abuse allegations and relational breakdowns get filtered through adversarial legal strategies, the result can be decisions that look procedural but feel catastrophic to the families living them. Children adapting to unsafe environments is not the same as freely choosing a parent. Systems that rely on rigid narratives instead of trauma-informed assessment create outcomes that are hard to undo. More careful evaluation and real expertise in child psychology should not be optional in cases with this level of risk.
As a psychologist, I see how easily courts confuse a child’s fear response with manipulation when trauma dynamics are not fully understood. Children resisting contact can be responding to stress, coercion, or unsafe attachment patterns, not influence from a protective parent. The problem is less about choosing sides and more about whether decision-makers are trained to recognize trauma presentation in real time. When psychological concepts are used without clinical rigor, they can unintentionally override safety concerns. Family court outcomes improve when evaluation focuses on behavior patterns, developmental functioning, and risk, not labels.
This is one of the clearest and most accurate breakdowns of how “parental alienation” is weaponized in family court that I’ve seen. In forensic work, the pattern is painfully familiar: a protective parent raises legitimate safety concerns, the abusive parent counters with an alienation claim, and the court—often without adequate training in trauma, coercive control, or child psychology—treats both sides as if they hold equal weight. They don’t.
Children rarely reject a safe parent. Resistance is almost always a trauma response, not evidence of manipulation. But courts are so uncomfortable with the reality of abuse that “alienation” becomes the easier narrative to accept. It absolves the system of having to confront violence, and it allows abusers to flip the script with astonishing success.
Your point about trauma bonds and coerced attachment is crucial. To the untrained eye, those survival behaviors look like loyalty. To those of us who understand the psychology, they are red flags the system keeps misreading.
And the data backs exactly what you described: when courts ignore the child’s fear and award custody to an abusive parent, the harm escalates — not decreases.
Thank you for putting words to what so many families live and what so many professionals inside the system witness daily. This isn’t just bad psychology. It’s dangerous policy. And until courts stop leaning on “alienation” as a shortcut, children will continue paying the price for adult wrongdoing.
It's win at any cost! Nobody really cares about the children stuck in "this" situation, except the mothers. Notice I said "this" situation. I am not lumping everyone together.
I’m hanging difficulty understanding what it’s called when any parent behaves in all the ways described if it’s not parental alienation. If parental alienation does not exist, what is it called when those tactics are successfully applied to the child?
I have been personally targeted by my child’s abusive parent. On the spoken intent that he was doing it to hurt me, he psychologically and physically abused our child, convinced her I didn’t love her, trumped up custody issues in her teens and then continued to completely mess with her mind. She is permanently emotionally scarred by it. He never claimed parental alienation, but most definitely engaged in it. Even though his actions were deliberate to hurt me (and they did) our child was his primary and enduring victim.
Whatever label one chooses, parental alienation exists. It’s emotional and psychological abuse of the highest order and should be punishable by jail time. It scars children well into their adulthood and interferes with the development of healthy trust and discernment. It destroys loving relationships. It’s classic malignant narcism.
Certainly not the case with my son. The narcissistic ex has lied to separate his son from him and young female judge has completely thrown in with her. False police reports, fake letters from the child. No matter. He still only gets to see his son once a week, even tho the divorce papers said 50/50 custody. The whole scam is pure BS.
The way you outline how alienation claims can eclipse abuse allegations reflects what many clinicians and court involved families describe behind closed doors. The history tied to Richard Gardner is important context, especially given how frequently the term is used without solid diagnostic footing. When courts prioritize symmetry between parents over safety, children can end up navigating fear in silence. Trauma bonding and coercive control are often misunderstood in adversarial settings that reward composure over distress.
What you fail to realize is that there is in fact Parental Alienation occurring within these families. The abuser projects their toxic behavior onto the safe parent which is among other toxic behaviors, Parental Alienation. Parental Alienation is NOT junk science, it’s real. This is a matter of the mentally ill and abusive parent indoctrinating the child to hate the other parent while projecting their alienating behavior onto the safe parent.
I understand. Narrastic family dynamics have been going on for years. The narrastic family tree has been explained by many different psychologist. This type of abuse is absolutely real. I don't think anyone desputes this. It's not a situation that accures during divorce. It's been going on in these failed marriages for years. Only the victim is unaware of what is happening until it's too late. Usually the reason they filed for divorce. The problem is that the parental alienation theory attempts to say it happens because of the divorce. Narrsaisic or borderline personality traits or disorders are appearing before the divorce process. Not because of it. This is the problem. Grooming children and abusing us not done in the front yard of the house. No one hangs a sign up in the front yard saying that there is abuse going on.
Very well written piece as always. You are still fighting for your son and others even after he's gone. I wish you didn't have to be in this situation. Keep up the good fight, Mama Bear.
These judges do not need any more training. They know exactly what they’re doing. This is all by design and not a broken system, as it is working exactly how theywant it to. The judges are well informed in domestic violence and child abuse. Again, they don’t want to deal with PA and just sweep the mess under the rug. All this destruction revolves around Title IV-B, D and E funding. These incentives have been weaponized to destroy our children. This is all about the money. Abusive males with bruised egos use PA as a crutch to gain custody for financial and emotional profit. When custody is attained, they will alienate the child from the good, “fit” parent. Bob Hoffman coined PA back in 1967 in his book, “Negative Love Syndrome,” and his book should’ve been taken more seriously. This is more than a generational curse as the alienators create more personality disorders that will continue and perpetuate the family court system until it is abolished. Family court must be abolished. In my opinion, family matters taken into civil court, where a jury can be present would be so much more helpful and hopefully more fair….
50/50 custody is going to solve this problem?
No, that is what enhances the problem. It’s ongoing with some Personality Disorders. 50/50 can work with two parents that are not in conflict and are not personality disorders…
Those are not the people advocating for 50/50. It's the people involved in high conflict litigation where one person or both have personalities that are characteristics or disorders. The people who have been left in charge are the so called “ alienation experts”. They have tainted the entire judicial system. Deciding who has a personality disorder. Stating someone has a personality disorder on the internet of public ledger doesn't make it a fact. Not agreeing to 50/50 split doesn't make you a gold digger or a malicious alienator.
Right, 50/50 is not cookie cutter. Every case is different.
This is why safe spaces are needed for victims of domestic abusers and child abusers. Unfortunately people using parental alienation are hiring people to infiltrate these spaces. Are hiring women influencers to encourage parental alienation as a real science. They are victims of it even when it's been used against them.
Well, I have never heard of anyone being hired to encourage parental alienation as real science. I myself was a victim, and it was used against me in court, and my ex was successful in alienating my children from me.
I’m so sorry for what happened to your son, your story is truly heartbreaking, and I respect your dedication to raising awareness about judicial failures. I agree that the concept of parental alienation can be misused and weaponized, especially in cases where abuse is present. But I’ve also witnessed real, devastating alienation, where a loving parent was erased from their child’s life through lies and manipulation.
It’s important we hold space for both truths: yes, alienation can be used as a tactic, but it’s also a very REAL form of psychological abuse in many families. And too often, those of us living that reality feel completely dismissed.
This is why I believe it so important to get rid of the " chosen" court professionals. There is clearly very manipulative people in the family court house. I have not seen my stepchildren in years. Unfortunately I don't think I ever will. My child hasn't seen her siblings. The relationship are held hostage. They are not free to have a relationship that doesn't have their father at the center. They are not free to have relationship despite they are now adults. This was the same dynamic that was in their fathers family revolving around their mother. I watched it for years and never thought it would happen in my own family.
Heidi, I really hear your pain, and I’m so sorry for everything your family has endured. I agree that the system too often feels stacked against the people it’s meant to serve. That said, I don’t think getting rid of professionals entirely is the answer. In both my husband’s case and mine, we’ve had court-ordered professionals, some good, some deeply problematic.
In my husband’s case, the CLR enabled the alienation by acting on clear bias. She help enable the alienation against court ordered parenting time and reinforced one-sided narratives because she only had part of the picture. That caused real harm and escalated the conflict.
We also had a PREl who saw what was happening, she acknowledged alienating behaviors, but didn’t treat them with the seriousness they deserved. I can’t help but believe that with better training and oversight, the outcome could have been different.
In my own case, we had a CFI who was truly competent and saw the full dynamic clearly. Her recommendations were serious and thoughtful, but the court had discretion, and didn’t fully implement them.
The problem isn’t just with individuals, it’s with the system’s inconsistency, lack of education, and lack of accountability. Reform is essential. The right professionals can make a huge difference, but only when they are educated, neutral, and their findings are respected by the court.
I would agree for the most part that we need professionals. However, here is the problem. I live in the state of Connecticut. Often regarded as the head of the snake. Connecticut is the first to run the welfare reform act and fatherhood legislation. All the safety rails and language has been completely erased from what is guiding the court system. We have gone through the contracts and initiative statigic planning. They are ignoring abuse for fatherhood engagement. Connecticut is the leader in criminal justice reform. Plea bargaining and nullying domestic violence charges. The only ones who are being protected are fathers who are victims. if you don't agree with allowing "access" to the father custody is removed. If the child resist contact for what a normal person would consider vaid the mother is arrested for not forcing the child. All of the cases I am aware of are discussed by the so called " Alienation" expert in the. These are legitimate cases of abuse. These fathers are run through batters programs and often violate restraining order. Nothing is done." Prioritizing fatherhood over criminal matters". Unfortunately statistics are used in Connecticut for grant funding. These parents are slipping under the radar. I know for a fact that these court professionals are running these programs in family court cases. Because the entire judicial branch is partnered with the fatherhood initiative. Which is a 503c non profit organization. CGS government solutions is " aggressively" running these programs. All of the hhs programs are partnered. None of the focus on the children. The so called court experts are not going to continuing education in all areas of psychology. They are hyperfoused in alienation. A majority of these parental alienation industry is unregulated and uninvestigated. They are part of equal and shared parenting. They are twisting and contorteing abuse cases. Anyone bringing up problems at the court house is seen as a barrier. The problem parent. Not the parents who engaged in poor parenting. Demonstrating controlling behavior. If you refuse to give up your parenting time to an abuser, you are alienating. If you don't agree with their demands and attempt to set boundaries. You are not cooperating. Even a 17 year old fighting with the other parent is blamed on the other parent. There is an industry referral network going on. There is a lot of who you know. The garduim ad lithium was engaged in the " reunification" sessions. She is a lawyer. Interfering with anyone information gathered. Did not provide a safe place for the child to disclose any information. All the sessions were based on what the father wanted. Not the needs of the child. This a seasoned garduim ad lithium. She has poor reviews all from women. Discussing her bias behavior. Bar association complaints and gal complaints. They still push her on cases. No repremand, no mandatory education. Her cases are train wrecks and usually results in one person usually the mother loosing custody.
She just ran a case where a dv victim. Who's alleged peritrators case keep getting pushed in criminal court. The custody was flipped to the alleged peritrator and she was arrested for custodial interference. Which is being pushed by equal and shared parenting. The Alienation "expert" knows her and refered her to one of the mothers IV meet. A relocated domestic violence victim who lost custody of her children. " A Wolf on sheep clothing" AFCC
PA allegations are readily accepted in family court only when they can be weaponized against protective mothers. Not the other way round. When moms are alienated PA ceases to exist. Please examine family court cases involving PA allegations and you'll see the pattern.
I have to respectfully but strongly disagree. What you’re describing completely ignores real experiences like mine, and my husband’s. He spent years trying to maintain a relationship with his daughter while her other parent actively undermined him, violated court orders, and told their child harmful things to damage their bond. It was classic alienation, coercive, persistent, and deeply damaging. A court-appointed professional even acknowledged some of these behaviors, though they didn’t take them as seriously as they should have.
In my case, I’ve faced similar tactics from my ex-husband. While he hasn’t been as “successful” in cutting off our relationship, the intent and impact of his alienating behaviors are clear. Parental alienation is real. It doesn’t only happen to one gender. It doesn’t disappear when it doesn’t fit a narrative.
The reason many of these cases involve accusations against mothers is not because the term is a weapon, it’s because, statistically, mothers are more often identified as the alienating parent. That’s not an attack on mothers; it’s a pattern supported by research, including international studies of adults alienated in childhood. Ignoring that data because it makes us uncomfortable doesn’t help children or families.
And if we’re being consistent, consider this: most sexual abuse is perpetrated by men. Yet we don’t dismiss the validity of sexual abuse or advocate to erase the terminology simply because it implicates one gender more often than another. Abuse is abuse. The identity of the perpetrator doesn’t negate the harm or make the term any less necessary.
Dismissing these realities, or framing alienation as a myth that only harms mothers, is not just inaccurate, it’s dangerous. If we care about children, we must acknowledge all forms of abuse and address them—regardless of who commits them.
Sexual abuse is MEDICALLY verifiable, unlike "Parental Alienation" (PA), which has no established diagnostic criteria supported by reputable, peer-reviewed research—hence its exclusion from the DSM.
That said, the 'concept' of alienation is not new—what's new is its weaponization in family court esp. against protective mothers. And to be clear, I'm not saying that 'real' cases of alienation against fathers are nonexistent. They do happen—but they are far fewer than the countless cases where protective mothers not only suffer alienation but are also paradoxically accused of it. A major determining factor in many of these cases is the financial status of the parent alleging PA. If the family court system sniffs financial gain from siding with the accuser, it then supports the wealthier accuser / abuser — regardless of gender. However, in most cases, PA is weaponized as the "silver bullet" against protective mothers, much like Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy (MSBP), both of which are deployed to switch custody from the protective mother to the abusive father.
When I said study family court cases, I wasn’t referring only to yours or your husband’s. There is now undeniable mounting evidence of a clear, systemic bias against mothers in family court—so much so that even the ICC has taken notice.
If you're genuinely interested in facts, you'll benefit from the links below. The truth isn’t always comfortable — but it’s necessary. Hope this helps broaden your perspective as you continue your research and explore the full picture.
The Best interest of The Abuser - https://open.substack.com/pub/grantrwyeth/p/the-best-interests-of-the-abuser?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=58kykk
The Brazen Coverup of Sexual Abuse by New Jersey Family Court Judges - https://open.substack.com/pub/womenscoalition/p/brazen-cover-up-of-sexual-abuse-by?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=58kykk
Groundbreaking Study Confirms Judges Knowingly Enable Molester Fathers - https://open.substack.com/pub/womenscoalition/p/groundbreaking-study-confirms-judges?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=58kykk
The Cost of Custody When your Pain is Profitable - https://open.substack.com/pub/protecttheparents/p/the-cost-of-custody-when-your-pain-ea3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=58kykk
Family Courts are committing Industrial Genocide Part l - https://open.substack.com/pub/familycourtviolence/p/family-courts-are-committing-industrial?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=58kykk
Family Courts are committing Industrial Genocide Part ll - https://open.substack.com/pub/familycourtviolence/p/family-courts-are-committing-industrial-309?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=58kykk
ICC recognizes Insituational Violence against Women in Family Courts - https://open.substack.com/pub/womenscoalition/p/icc-recognizes-institutional-violence?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=58kykk
I have personal experience and have done extensive homework on the topic.
I’m so sorry.
Exactly!
Dr. Belogolovsky, the judges in Family Court are not ignorant. That is a MYTH perpetuated to deflect attention from them. They are fully aware and complicit.
Also, Gardner was a pedophile himself who ultimately stabbed himself to death, as confirmed by his autopsy report — a grim testament to just how “mentally stable” he was. [The autopsy report is available on the internet. I have saved a copy in the event that there is a concerted effort by those who profit from it to suppress this important fact]. If, let's say, we were to propose adopting the writings of cult leader and mass murderer, Jim Jones, as the official manual for CEOs to manage their employees, it would be rejected and condemned and rightfully so. Yet somehow, the perverse and twisted theories born from the mind of a known pedophile and psychopath have been embraced as the gold standard for evaluating child abuse allegations and determining child custody in Family Court — and we’re expected to accept that as normal.
The sad Truth is that Parental Alienation is a theory that is only weaponized against protective mothers NOT abusive fathers. It has only one purpose and that is to serve the abusive father. So if a mother says father is alienating the child she will not be believed and will be discredited if anything and even if she has proof it will be dismissed. If the reverse happens and the abusive father accuses a protective mother of alienating then he is automatically believed WITHOUT any evidence and every attempt is made to separate mother from her child. So PA is not a scientific diagnosis but it is a great DARVO tool used by abusive fathers and their attorneys to shift custody from mother to child. Those in disbelief should go and analyze all the court cases of PA and see if you can detect this obvious pattern. It's practically impossible to miss it.
Parental Alienation is not a medical diagnosis. It's a criminal defense. It's been years now and it's not excepted psychological term. When will the industry be addressed? Investigated and shut down for good? It's a deversiinary tactic, tossing a firecracker in the corner of the court room. The judges loose focus on the real issues in front of them. There is a large referral network coming out of the state of Connecticut. Coaching services and recommendations for the well connected industry professionals playing the game.
Here is how custody capture is played. A divorce is filed. Usually a series of events and disclosures is made. The court is presented with accusations. No evidencary hearings is requested. The accused attorney stands in front of the judge and proclaims parental alienation and a GaL must be appointed. The fact finder eyed and ears of the court . They neglect to call the people on the list of witnesses and mental health professional. If they do call the mental health professional that has been treating the child for what ever issues doesn't align with the parental alienation theory. They are discredited. They are not the elite group that the court uses. A court appointed psychologist is placed on the case. The child at any age discloses a reason for contact resistance. The other parent is to blame. The parents are locked out of the court room. Or the attorney tells the " favored parent" or " protective parent". You must cooperate with the counseling or loose custody. The judge asks for updates. The parental issues are not addressed and the relationship deteriorating. It's not the poor service provided by the therapist. The children are told that there feelings don't matter. The issue are not that bad and they must have a relationship with the biological parent. Either the children complies or the flavored patent will be taken away. If they continue to resist the garduim ad lithium insist the custody has to be flipped. Even have the favored or protective parent arrested for custodial interference. Cause someone other than the parent with parenting problems is to blame. This accures in case with domestic batters, parents in the middle of addiction or simply don't want to pay child support. The alienated is demanding a surtine garduim ad lithium. The garduim ad lithium insist on a spasific therapist. If any evidence makes it way to court. Custody for women especially is never reversed back. There is much federal funding based on providing access to non costodial fathers. Which the states receive funding. Domestic violence victims are solidicted into projects for 50/50 custody as a means of getting their children back. With the intention of getting child support obligations removed. " You are going to have to co-parent with the abuser". Cause their half of the other parent. A group of stepmothers are enlisted in the project taught to engage in custody battles to children they have no constitutional rights to. Under the " family" langistics. Unless you deliver the child for access you can be arrested. Children are used as leverage to drop criminal charges. Bringing violent crime statistics down. It's all a very calculated business model. Using government funding and legislation to weaponize the court system. That started with the welfare reform act, healthy marriage and responsible fatherhood. Unfortunately it's more profitable to protect a predator than children. $113; billions dollars in child support arrange in the US . This what the people claiming parental Alienation are complaining the most about. 22 percent of household are single parent. For various reasons. Divorce is not the responsibility for fatherless households. Yet the Alienation industry experts using this is abuse doesn't exist. If you want to stop the family court system problems. You gotta get rid of the Alienation industry. The federal funding fueling it.
The family court 'games' don't stop there unfortunately but first I want to correct a common misconception people have. The judges in Family Court are NOT innocent or ignorant as many would like to believe. They are COMPLICIT. The sooner parents and the general public SHED this dangerous illusion the better for our children. Or we will live to see them being destroyed by these very judges we apologize and find excuses for.
The family court system is not broken. It's purposely RIGGED. The proof is the unwritten PLAYBOOK they all follow - a carefully calculated process with a recognizable pattern and sequence of actions, replicated across jurisdictions and through court records, policy loopholes, and funding structures and designed to exploit families rather than protect them.
Here are the steps in that PLAYBOOK.
- Family Courts systematically escalate conflict in custody disputes and then label them as 'high conflict' because there is more money to be made by prolonging the case.
- Once they are able to designate a case as "high conflict," (code word for 'child trafficking goldmine' and 'cash cow') it opens up the doorway to get 'professionals' in
- These 'professionals' (custody evaluators, parenting coordinators, GALs, therapists etc) then use their 'expertise' to create more false labels for the court in order to provide the court with a pretext to snatch the children away from the good protective parent under the guise of "best interest of the child. - False and unsubstantiated allegations such as Parental Alienation (PA) or Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy (MSBP), known as the 'silver bullets', are then used to achieve a very specific goal: Custody SWITCH to the abuser. This is extremely important and is done in order to marginalize the protective or primary caregiving parent, referred to as "the gatekeeper" in family court because of their refusal to let predators get close to their children - This is a CRITICAL step without which the rest of their plan will not go through.
- Once the good protective parent has been successfully marginalized, the game is a lot easier to play and one of 2 things can now take place:
* If both parents are poor the children are funneled straight into Foster homes from where they are then easily trafficked (more on that further down this comment)
* If the abuser has money then the children are handed to him in a swift custody switch and if the protective parent resists this move then the protective parent is treated with jail while the children are subjected to additional torture through legalized kidnapping and lucrative reunification programs which can last until either they age out or the protective parent dies from the trauma or grief induced chronic illnesses.
* If, on the other hand, the abusive parent is not that well off and cannot bankroll the family court mafia for too long then he is still retained by the family court as a 'useful idiot' and treated as a temporary hurdle to be bypassed with a well-timed order at a later more 'convenient' stage when he too is declared 'unfit' by the family court and the children can finally be funnelled into the Foster Care System.
- The Foster Care System is key to the Child Trafficking Network (CTN) and serves as the holding place ('reservoir') that feeds the pipeline and facilitates child trafficking under legal cover.
- The children are 'retained' in the foster care system until they can find the best bidders for them so they can be trafficked 'legally' through the foster care system and handed over to their future abusers.
And nope! This is NOT adoption - that's what we are told it is and that's what they want us to think it is. It's legalized child trafficking.
I have no problem with people getting a rude awakening or finding out the hard way. It doesn't cost me a dime. However, I am only one of the many now sounding the alarm ....
““ ..there is a lucrative business behind helping abusers: amounting to fifty billion dollars a year in the U.S. alone.” ~ Dr. Bandy Lee
Read more here --->
Connect the Dots - Family Court killed Sinead O'Connor - https://open.substack.com/pub/familycourtviolence/p/connect-the-dots-family-court-killed?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=58kykk
The Best Interest of the Abuser - https://open.substack.com/pub/grantrwyeth/p/the-best-interests-of-the-abuser?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=58kykk
Family Court Freak Show - https://open.substack.com/pub/luthmann/p/family-court-freak-show?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=58kykk
Judges Knowingly Enable Abusers - https://open.substack.com/pub/womenscoalition/p/groundbreaking-study-confirms-judges?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=58kykk
I agree with you. The judicial branch partnership and state funding is also a significant problem. Access was mentioned multiple times by the garduim ad lithium. I don't think it was an accident I was locked out of the court house. As well as the family relations hearing. The entire system is a well played out organization machine. These are only mistakes of they are caught. I know I was in trouble when the judge on my case was the same judge who refused to give Mawahinney's( arrested for conspiracy in the Dolus case) x wife a restraining order in their divorce case. It was no accident that the garduim ad lithium was hanging around the court house on the day agreements were made. It was no accident that this judge was placed on my case. Why he didn't want us in the court room to go on record. The government funding for social projects and social experiments are a driving force in the family court bus. This is part of why the main stream media coverage is missing. Politicians are not publicly talking about it.
Children’s voices are heard just not listened to. Children are just pawns in a male Christian world where children are to obey.
Sorry, but children’s voices are neither listened to nor heard. In the eyes of family court judges, children's voices simply do not exist—and their well-being does not matter. I want to see, in writing, the LAW that gives these judges the authority to strip children and good, loving, responsible parents of their Constitutional rights.
Do CHILDREN even have ANY rights under the U.S. Constitution? It's time to confront this head-on and start asking the hard questions. If they do then why are these despicable lowlifes in family court acting like they don't.
Where exactly does it say that by stepping into Family Court, we’re automatically agreeing to SUSPEND our Constitutional rights (aka 'informed consent')? It must be written somewhere, for these judges to behave as though the U.S. Constitution stops at the courthouse door—treating good parents and innocent children worse than criminals.
Even criminal defendants have the right to due process and are considered innocent until proven guilty. In Family Court, it’s the opposite: you’re treated as guilty until proven innocent, and it’s on you to prove your innocence—often against absurd, unproven accusations like PAS, MSBP, or other pseudoscientific garbage.
Never in my life have I seen such a MOCKERY of justice and such flagrant DESECRATION of the US Constitution.
Good point frustrating
Sure is frustrating and that's putting it mildly! It hurts more to see your child in pain.
I agree. Not just seeing their pain knowing there’s nothing you can do. And knowing everything you do makes it even harder for them. What a position to be put in.
We can thank the Alienation industry who insists all the children are brainwashed
Family court debates around this issue often collapse complex trauma dynamics into simple labels that don’t match how children actually respond to fear, loyalty, and pressure. When abuse allegations and relational breakdowns get filtered through adversarial legal strategies, the result can be decisions that look procedural but feel catastrophic to the families living them. Children adapting to unsafe environments is not the same as freely choosing a parent. Systems that rely on rigid narratives instead of trauma-informed assessment create outcomes that are hard to undo. More careful evaluation and real expertise in child psychology should not be optional in cases with this level of risk.
I absolutely agree with you.
As a psychologist, I see how easily courts confuse a child’s fear response with manipulation when trauma dynamics are not fully understood. Children resisting contact can be responding to stress, coercion, or unsafe attachment patterns, not influence from a protective parent. The problem is less about choosing sides and more about whether decision-makers are trained to recognize trauma presentation in real time. When psychological concepts are used without clinical rigor, they can unintentionally override safety concerns. Family court outcomes improve when evaluation focuses on behavior patterns, developmental functioning, and risk, not labels.
This is one of the clearest and most accurate breakdowns of how “parental alienation” is weaponized in family court that I’ve seen. In forensic work, the pattern is painfully familiar: a protective parent raises legitimate safety concerns, the abusive parent counters with an alienation claim, and the court—often without adequate training in trauma, coercive control, or child psychology—treats both sides as if they hold equal weight. They don’t.
Children rarely reject a safe parent. Resistance is almost always a trauma response, not evidence of manipulation. But courts are so uncomfortable with the reality of abuse that “alienation” becomes the easier narrative to accept. It absolves the system of having to confront violence, and it allows abusers to flip the script with astonishing success.
Your point about trauma bonds and coerced attachment is crucial. To the untrained eye, those survival behaviors look like loyalty. To those of us who understand the psychology, they are red flags the system keeps misreading.
And the data backs exactly what you described: when courts ignore the child’s fear and award custody to an abusive parent, the harm escalates — not decreases.
Thank you for putting words to what so many families live and what so many professionals inside the system witness daily. This isn’t just bad psychology. It’s dangerous policy. And until courts stop leaning on “alienation” as a shortcut, children will continue paying the price for adult wrongdoing.
Thank you for this thoughtful comment. You’ve summed up the core problem perfectly.
I’m grateful for your insight and for the work you do to bring these issues to light.
It's win at any cost! Nobody really cares about the children stuck in "this" situation, except the mothers. Notice I said "this" situation. I am not lumping everyone together.
I agree with you!
Elena, you are doing amazing work and are incredibly smart and talented. Thank you for writing on these topics!!!
Thank you for your kind words and support!
This happened to my family. My daughter to this day doesn’t trust therapists.
I’m so sorry. It’s inhumane.
I’m hanging difficulty understanding what it’s called when any parent behaves in all the ways described if it’s not parental alienation. If parental alienation does not exist, what is it called when those tactics are successfully applied to the child?
I have been personally targeted by my child’s abusive parent. On the spoken intent that he was doing it to hurt me, he psychologically and physically abused our child, convinced her I didn’t love her, trumped up custody issues in her teens and then continued to completely mess with her mind. She is permanently emotionally scarred by it. He never claimed parental alienation, but most definitely engaged in it. Even though his actions were deliberate to hurt me (and they did) our child was his primary and enduring victim.
Whatever label one chooses, parental alienation exists. It’s emotional and psychological abuse of the highest order and should be punishable by jail time. It scars children well into their adulthood and interferes with the development of healthy trust and discernment. It destroys loving relationships. It’s classic malignant narcism.
Certainly not the case with my son. The narcissistic ex has lied to separate his son from him and young female judge has completely thrown in with her. False police reports, fake letters from the child. No matter. He still only gets to see his son once a week, even tho the divorce papers said 50/50 custody. The whole scam is pure BS.
I’m so sorry.
The way you outline how alienation claims can eclipse abuse allegations reflects what many clinicians and court involved families describe behind closed doors. The history tied to Richard Gardner is important context, especially given how frequently the term is used without solid diagnostic footing. When courts prioritize symmetry between parents over safety, children can end up navigating fear in silence. Trauma bonding and coercive control are often misunderstood in adversarial settings that reward composure over distress.